I'm quickly finding that my need for immediate gratification does not really mesh well with motherhood. It's true that there are moments when my boys snuggle up next to me and Ethan looks me strait in the eyes and tells me he loves me that I feel a sense of pride and immediate gratitude for my calling as a mother, but more than not those moments are made up of Ethan snuggling up to me and trying to pick my nose...or his...or JJ's, or spitting or most recently pulling my eye lids open and yelling "Get Up!" While some may consider it a success that their kids rise earlier than their parents, and while I'm sure that one day I will wish to have encouraged that habit instead of quench it, right now I find it difficult to enjoy...
Maybe I'm a bad mother, or have a bad attitude about motherhood or life in general, but I do find myself struggling to keep the eternal perspective when I'm surrounded by little creatures...I mean my kids. Counting down to nap time and bed time are all too common in my day. And what's it all for? Am I really making a difference in my kids' life? Am I teaching anything that matters? Are those things that do matter even sticking because the only thing I feel sticking is my feet to the jelly smothered all over my kitchen floor!
Today however, I saw one thing that did help me realize that just maybe I did something right. While cleaning the kitchen and trying to put off the cries of my hungry baby for just one more minute, I heard his cry quiet and looked to see Ethan sitting next to him on the table holding his hand and talking to him. Upon listening closely Ethan said, "It's ok JJ. Look," and pointing up to a painting in our kitchen, "Moroni!"
I pray every day that although I am weak and don't always enthusiastically love my calling as a mother, that I will be able to teach my children not only the goodness of God and his prophets but how we need to be good and compassionate to one another. I hope that even if I am frazzled and frustrated that my kids will learn how to feel loved and exude that love to others. Maybe just knowing who Moroni is isn't exactly teaching these principles and perhaps Ethan is just naturally a sweet and caring big brother to JJ, so taking his hand and calming him is nothing I can take credit for. But maybe just maybe I did my job today. Maybe I taught him something he can use throughout the eternities. And maybe just maybe being a mother isn't so rough after all...
But then Ethan poked JJ's eye and he started crying again...and we're back!
